Camping
by kim-onka
Summary: Kanda and Lavi are sent camping to 'relax and integrate'. Lavi, of course, is annoying; Kanda, of course, is irritated. Random humor one-shot. Please R&R!


Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.

No spoilers. This could be happening anytime, probably before Allen showed up at HQ.

Author's Note: I wrote this for my sister, Eggplant-chan. She's a devoted Yuvi fan. This is not exactly Yuvi – was to be Yuvi friendship; let's say – Yuvi _if you squint._ Ah, whatever. It's rather random too. But she seems to like it :D

Enjoy~

* * *

The sun, although steadily setting, was still shining brightly, sending lustrous reflections throughout a small lake. Here and there a fish splashed noisily, disturbing the atmosphere which would be quiet and peaceful if there hadn't been for fairly loud, persistent singing in the background. Performed with obvious deficiency of talent and skill, might we add.

"_Have you eeeever been in love, Youuuu could touch the mooooonlight…_" The song went up and down in wailing tones, oscillating through the air and mercilessly attacking the sensitive ears of a black-haired Japanese exorcist.

"Lavi."

"_You're holding heeeeeeaven in your aaaarms…_ Mhm?" The chanting stopped for a moment, although the questioning sound which left the singer's mouth was still matched to the song's alleged melody.

"Shut up."

"You don't like this song, Yuu? Shall I sing something else?" Not waiting for his companion's response, the red-haired wannabe artist began howling: "_I can't liiiiiiiiive, if living is withoooooout youuuuu…_" (or maybe: "without Yuu"?)

"Shut up, idiot," was Kanda's only reaction.

"Then what shall I sing? What songs do you like, Yuu?"

"Even if I did like any songs, telling you would be the last thing to come to my mind. After hearing your rendition, I could never listen to them again without a shudder of horror."

Lavi turned to Kanda in order to present him an expression of deep hurt, but the swordsman's eyes were closed as he was sitting on the ground, his legs crossed, and breathing deeply, inhaling the fragrances of the forest in what appeared a failed attempt at meditation.

"Yuu-chan is mean to me!" Lavi complained to the trees and bushes surrounding the two and their tiny camp. "Yuu-chan ignores me and meditates, even though we came here together!" He added, addressing a squirrel which was nosing about his rucksack. "And, he hurts my feelings!"

"Call me by my first name once more and not only your feelings will be hurt, Baka Usagi." Kanda struggled to keep up the losing battle for concentration a bit longer.

The two remained silent for a minute. A fish splashed in the lake.

Lavi decided the silence had been much too long as for his liking and resumed singing, this time picking a livelier melody.

"_Wake up, the house is on fire, and the cat's caught in the dryer…_"

"Shut up, Lavi!"

"But Yuu, we're camping! We HAVE to sing! You should sing along with me. _Christmas lights in the middle of August…_"

"Do you see any?"

"Any what?"

"Christmas lights."

Lavi looked around, observing carefully, but found no traces of Christmas lights, although it indeed was middle August.

"…"

"See? So quit it already before I kill you."

"You are so hopelessly insensitive to art, Yuu-chan."

"_Don't call me Yuu!_"

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Because I say so."

"Ah."

"Yes."

"…Why do you say so?"

"…" Really, Lavi was beating his own records of annoyingness. Kanda sighed heavily, giving up on meditation, and crossed his arms behind his head, viewing the horizon.

"Hey, Baka Usagi."

"What is it, Yuu?"

"Tell me again, why are we here?"

"We are here to rest, relax, integrate and deepen the bounds of friendship between us!" was Lavi's enthusiastic reply.

"And who the hell was the damn dumbass who came up with this idea?" The threat in the black-haired exorcist's voice was rather evident, but Lavi, as usual, ignored it completely.

"Why, I heard it was Komui. He said we exorcists were exhausted and we deserved a vacation in the company of friends."

Another sigh escaped Kanda's lips. The fact that camping near a small lake in a forest was not his favourite way of spending 'vacations' was not the worst problem here. The worst problem was sitting next to him.

"…Then why am I here with _you_?"

"Why? But because we're best friends, of course~! Why else?"

Now, that was a revelation. Kanda wasn't sure if he weren't happier without knowing that he was best friends with Lavi. He closed his eyes again.

"Oh really."

"Well then, who is a better friend to you than I am?"

"…" To that Kanda had no answer.

"So, I'm the best friend you have, and you're the best friend I have, which makes us best friends!"

"…Che." Kanda thought it better not to ask what he could've possibly done to become Lavi's best friend. "…if we're such good friends, then why do we have to integrate?"

"Ah, Yuu-chan, don't underestimate the sea of possibilities before us! There's plenty of area for the development of our bond, our feelings…!" the redhead exclaimed affectionately, leaning towards his 'friend'.

The next thing Kanda knew was Lavi's arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"…"

It was kinda awkward.

"Let go off me, idiot!"

Lavi chuckled.

"Ahaha, Yuu-chan is embarrassed, ne? Yuu-chan is blushing~"

"LET GO OFF ME, OR I'LL KILL YOU."

Lavi did as he was told, but not before hugging Kanda even tighter and pressing a kiss against his cheek.

"…" The harassed exorcist was already on his feet, wiping his face with the sleeve of one hand and at the same time withdrawing Mugen.

The eye-patched boy grinned widely.

"You ARE blushing~!" he announced with much satisfaction.

And then he turned around to run for his life.

The chase lasted almost three hours.

xXxXxXx

"Yuu."

"Don't call me that."

"It's getting dark. Really really really dark!"

"So?"

"We have to light a fire."

"Che."

"But we HAVE TO!"

"Che."

"A camp without a fire doesn't count, plus we can heat some food there."

"What food?"

"I've got cans."

"Che."

"Eh?"

"I'm not hungry."

"_I_ am."

"Like I care."

"…and it will be very DARK and SCARY."

"…"

"Yuu-chan, I'm scared! Hug me!"

"Che. Go gather some wood, Baka Usagi."

xXxXxXx

The fire was pleasantly warm and cast a dim aura on the tiny camp of the two exorcists. Both guys had already crept into their sleeping bags (Lavi after stuffing himself with canned beans, which Kanda showed no interest in eating) and were currently lying on the ground near the flames, trying to get as comfortable as possible in such unwelcoming conditions.

"I _knew_ it was a bad idea," muttered Kanda, laying his head on his arm and staring into the fire.

Lavi yawned.

Kanda yawned too.

"I infected Yuu-chan with yawning~"

"Shut up, Lavi."

Lavi shut up. For thirty seconds.

"Yuu?"

"Stop calling me that!" Kanda snapped, and then yawned again.

"Yuu, can I brush your hair in the morning?"

"No." Honestly, Lavi's ideas were evolving in idiocy.

"…You know, I've heard it's very nice to have someone brush your hair. Has anyone ever brushed yours for you?"

"When I was little, they would. For a while. Then I told them to stop."

"Wasn't it pleasant?"

"Not really."

"They must've pulled Yuu's hair! I'll brush Yuu's hair nicely and neatly, and then Yuu can brush mine~!"

"Che." For the one hundred thirty seventh time that day Kanda wished someone stopped this sorry excuse for a vacation. Even an Akuma would be fine.

"Does that mean you AGREE?" The redhead's excitement was obvious.

"No way." _What a vexing bastard…_

Lavi sniffed.

Kanda yawned.

"Yuu, are you sleepy?"

"If I say yes, will that shut you up?"

"Well, I wouldn't like to disturb Yuu's precious sleep after such an adventurous day!"

"Then shut up."

The fire was dancing magically in the finally won, blissful silence and Kanda felt he was drifting off, it was warm and dark and cozy… sleep.

xXxXxXx

What woke him up was a hammer hitting the ground five centimetres before his face.

To be more precise, Lavi's hammer.

"LAVI, I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Ah, Yuu, you're awake!" the redhead answered cheerfully. "There was a big bad mosquito going to attack you, so I killed it!"

"Che." Kanda turned back to Lavi, not bothering to talk to that idiot right after being violently thrown off his slumber.

"I saved Yuu-chan~ Thank me now!"

But something felt strange. The Japanese boy sat up, eyeing his companion suspiciously, and reached to feel his hair hanging on his back.

"WHAT THE-"

What he found was two finely braided pigtails.

"LAVI!"

"I was worried Yuu-chan's hair would get messed during sleep, so I braided it!"

"I'll cut your head off, idiot!" Kanda growled, jerking at the red (!) ribbons Lavi had used to tie the pigtails.

"Yuu-chan is soooo ungrateful!"

"You are asking for death, Baka Usagi!"

"But I've got something for Yuu~"

Kanda thought talking to Lavi was useless, and thus ignored him. Which didn't discourage the redhead in the least.

"I've only just remembered I took soba for Yuu-chan! Yuu-chan can eat soba for breakfast!"

"…Che." The swordsman feigned lack of interest.

"But first, Yuu-chan has to thank me~!"

_No way._ Kanda was ready to do a lot to get soba, but thanking Lavi for anything was out of question. He didn't have to eat. They would reach civilization not so long after setting off from there, so it should be okay.

The black hair finally freed from pigtails, its proud owner wordlessly lay back, determined to look anywhere except for the other guy.

"…Your hair really needs an artistic approach, you know. Which you disastrously LACK, Yuu!"

"…Then you are the last person I should be asking for assistance."

"That was mean, Yuu-chan."

"Really."

"Really!"

"…and stop calling me Yuu."

"…"

"…"

"Yuu-chan!"

Kanda chose not to react. That was pointless. Conversations with Lavi were pointless.

"Yuu-chan, what do you think of me~?"

"…Che." What kind of question was that? As if he thought anything.

"Because I think Yuu-chan likes me a lot~!"

"Baka Usagi, you're delusional."

"You blushed…" Lavi added in a dreamy tone, somewhat matter-of-factly.

"I did NOT!"

The redhead laughed. His joy sounded extremely annoying.

"You DID! Yuu-chan blushed because Yuu-chan likes me~!"

"IDIOT, I'M WARNING YOU…"

Lavi laughed again.

"Easy, easy, Yuu-chan, I won't tell anyone how much you love me~! You know me, I'm discretion personified!"

"…"

"Aaaaach, Yuu-chan, you're scary~!"

Chasing Lavi around the forest turned out to be a wonderful morning exercise.

xXxXxXx

"Eat, Yuu-chan. I brought it especially for you!"

"Mhm."

In the end, Lavi not only willingly offered Kanda soba for breakfast, demanding nothing in return, but even heated it up on a provisional fire while the other exorcist was bathing in the lake.

"Eat, Yuu-chan, you need strength to come back home!"

"I AM eating. You'd better go wash instead of standing over me when I'm eating, Baka Usagi."

"How kind of you to care for me so, Yuu-chan!"

Kanda thought Lavi shouldn't have given him soba if now he was doing everything to make his 'friend' choke on it.

"I just want to leave this damn place as soon as possible, and get rid of you at last!"

The redhead evaded a chopstick aimed at his only visible eye and run towards the lake, giggling.

"Friends, huh?" Kanda murmured to himself tiredly, resuming eating.

He had always known having friends was awfully troublesome.

* * *

Well, isn't it?

The songs Lavi, hmm, _sings_ are, in order of appearance, "Have you ever been in love" by Celine Dion, "Without you" by Mariah Carey and "Deadbeat holiday" by Greenday.

Do you remember? "Exorcists have no holidays." Well, I wanted to give them one ;D

Please review :)


End file.
